I am not perfect. I say that…not for you to understand…but for me. I, like many men, go through life thinking that we are doing exactly what we need to do to be the husband and father that we should be. Many times our family has gone to gatherings of people and watched as other husbands are disconnected from their wives all because they are living into what they think it means to be a man. We have taken our kids to the pool and observed fathers ignore their kids and act as though they want nothing to do with engaging in water activities. I will be the first to admit that these are initial judgments that may not be fair at all. I get that. But…the idea of it breaks my heart. I believe the roles of husband and father are sacred and holy roles. I believe God wants us to live into those roles in amazingly significant ways with great impact on our families.
Now, I mentioned I am not perfect because I will often watched disconnected fathers and think very highly of myself. It is our nature. We compare ourselves to others and gauge our success based on our perception of their “failure”. I do this…you do this…we all do this at some level. And by doing so…we often deceive ourselves.
We have a great family. Melissa and I are deeply in love with one another. We have two great kids who know and express love to one another and us in amazingly heartfelt ways. I know that we are blessed in amazing ways and I am proud of that. I am proud that our kids are so kind and thoughtful. I am proud of the head-turning, smart, and compassionate wife that I (somehow…by the grace of God) landed. In my eyes…especially as we compare to the disconnected men…I am looking pretty good.
But…again…I am not perfect. The other day I pulled into the gym parking lot and the song posted below came on the radio. Words sent directly from Heaven to pierce my heart came through the speakers. As I listened to it I began to realize that, while I truly believe I am a good husband and father, I know I can (and should) be better. So…I determined right then and there that I will be better. How? Great questions. One that need to be answered by my wife.
Men…if you want to know how you can be a better husband or father…ask your wife. Seriously…she knows! She knows exactly where you drop the ball. It may be hard to hear at times…but if you are honest with yourself…you already know the answer.
Husbands and fathers…hear me on this…you are called to be a leader in your household. You are called to be the best possible father you can be. You are called to be the best possible husband you can be. You are called to live into your sacred roles in very significant ways.
I encourage you to ask your wife how you can be better. Do it. And more importantly…do what she says you need to do. Because I have learned one thing in my marriage: I may be the leader and head of my house. I may be the proverbial “foot-setter-downer”. But…my wife knows the heart of our family and knows where attention needs to be focused. So…while you lead…let her guide your leadership. It will strengthen your family…and make you a better husband and father.